Words that warm like Hot Chocolate

So today I pick him up from his dad. A long drawn out goodbye and Kahlai did not want to give his dad a kiss.. I said he didn't HAVE to... and that he shouldn't be MADE to give kisses if he didn't want to.... which led to an argument through text that I quickly tried to diffuse.

I am officially tired of fighting... and tired of having to convince my son that mommy does in fact love him... and that I AM in fact his mommy. His dad denies telling him otherwise, but I know my son... and I am pretty sure he wouldn't make that up at 3 years old. I also know that his dad lies about most things... even stupid small stuff... so I struggle with believing him... especially when most of the questionable stuff can be proven otherwise... 99% of the time.

I just pray that next time he won't forget and can transition home more smoothly next visit... I miss just having special time because it is special time... and not having to make special time to fix a huge problem. My mom sat in my room for about 30 minutes today trying to help me convince Kahlai that Mommy loves him very much.... after he refused to believe it and kept repeating the opposite she suggested that I get him in therapy due to this outrageous act from his father and the affects that it is having on Kahlai... and me. I hate to think of my thre year old in therapy... but the result of not having professional help right now could be dangerous.

So after a lot of tears and hugs and a lot of time building his Thomas the train track bigger than ever before, he placed his hands on my face and twisted my head around to look directly in his eyes then said..

"Momma?.."
"Yes son?"
"You aww my bess-fwend and my buddy... and I luvzyoo Momma"

Oh my word... I had only heard stories of how the things your kids day warm your heart. You know I immediately broke out in more tears and he tells me to be happy... I tell him I am happy.. happy to have such an amazing little boy.
Having a three year old can be very challenging... there are sweet moments, but the molding moments outweigh those sweet ones sometimes.lol.

My heart filled up with warmth and I couldn't stop thinking about God's love. It is times like this when I remember that Kahlai is not MINE. He is not KEVIN'S either... the responsibility of raising him was placed in our hands.. but he belongs to GOD.

Kevin likes to try and rub it in my face all the time about all the nice stuff that he can buy for Kahlai and how Kahlai will love him and want to live with him eventually because of that... material things have never weighed heavily in my life and so I could care less.... but when that subject gets brought up I always remember what my friend Amy said to me one time...

She said, We are not here on this earth to be rich or to have lots of stuff or have a contest in spoiling our children. We are here to create a relationship with God and to help our children and our families know HIS love.. starting with us... we are the vessels upon which we should show God's love. I'll never forget that Amy.. thank you.



We will continue to pray... and get lots of rest... we have the whole day tomorrow... we can go do anything we want... just me and my boy... and the frigid weather conditions! So if we decide not to do anything at all... (Except for church)...that's just fine with me too... I'm ready to reconfigure another track design and race Thomas and his friends around for however long he likes..... or perhaps go take his scooter or his bike out for a spin... whatever he likes... the cleaning and the laundry can wait.. I'll be once again in mommy and son rehab.... I'll do whatever it takes to protect my sweet boy... and I MEAN IT!