Oh what a week!

God is good all the time... and all the time God is good. SOOO GOOD! I have not had a chance to blog since Christmas flew in out of no where! I, like everyone else, was rushing at the last minute to get everything and everyone on the list... at least the people that I could put on my list this year.

Last weekend was extremely bitter sweet for me. It was Kahlai's first weekend away from mommy... and it has been almost 2 years since he spent a night away from me so I was a little off for a couple/few days. First night at his dad's, he didn't go to sleep until almost 11pm! They had some "stuff" to do... umm.. okay. So I designed myself a business card Friday night and am very excited to pass these out next time I have the oppertunity!

Saturday morning I took a parenting information program. It's required for anyone going through family court. Lots of very good info regarding what kids go through during this time. It really put some things into perspective for me regarding my son's digressing behaviors like potty training and such. I was so glad to have met other moms going through this and be able to send them info on scholarships and encourage them to go back to school and not be so sad.

Then.... after I got out I got a phone call from the ladies at (confidential info) ( A scholarship I have been applying for for 10 months or something like that... been a long time). I BROKE OUT IN TEARS when she told me that I had been awarded a scholarship for next semester!!!! Because this is on the web I cannot tell you how much but it certainly made me cry! I have squeezed out every dime in school loans to pay for my attorney, I honestly barely paid both my tuition and my attorney with the loans, I am so relieved to have this... you just have no idea. Thank you to the ladies that helped me with my application...Sandra Waldron and Virginia Ryan... and HHSM.. they referred me to them!

So needless to say, all day Saturday I was very excited... missing my boy but very excited to see the fruits of my faith in God's work in my life...

Saturday night I had an event to go to for HHSM. It was a "bring your kids" to go on a shopping spree with Javon Walker and some other players from the Oakland Raiders for Christmas. Kevin wouldn't allow me to pick Kahlai up for this event so I was told to just come by myself and explain. So... I did. I got dressed... showed up.. and was fine until the 18th time I had to explain why my darling boy wasn't there with me. When everyone was leaving to head to the mall, I broke down. I couldn't do it. I was already worried about my baby and missed him so much. I excused myself and called in the "friend squad" to have some girl time to talk about stuff over some food. I'm so blessed to have good friends through this time.

Sunday... more of learning photoshop at a friend's house and finally picked my boy up in the evening... a moment I thought would relieve me of all my worries, but it did just the opposite. I picked him up and he told me I wasn't his mommy! Then he kept repeating that "Mommy doesn't love me"!!!!!!!!! I couldn't believe it... my heart was broken. I missed him so much and was looking forward to a big giant hug and some sweet kisses! He screamed at me and was yelling "mommy doesn't love me" the whole way home.... I just cried. When we got home, he hit and kicked me for an HOUR! I didn't know what to do! He was so convinced that I didn't love him... and that I wasn't his mommy!

I'd like to thank Kevin Williams for your fantastic job of brainwashing our son for 3 days!

I'd also like to thank the Justice system for once again failing in regards to what is in the best interests of a child!

What a rainy week eh? Rain, rain, rain..... and freezing cold too! I think it's God's way of making sure that there is nothing else to do but stay snuggled in with my baby boy... just nice and cozy and warm... and I don't care what goes on right now... it can all wait... I'm Dr. mom... or at least trying to be.

Please pray for us. What his dad is doing is WRONG WRONG WRONG. I don't know how to undo it.... I don't know if I ever could... I can only love him... but whatever his dad said to him for 3 days... must have been impactful.

So he had his Wednesday night visit.... which If it were up to me.. he wouldn't have gone.. by Tuesday he was back to my sweet boy... Wednesday night... he was amped up on sugar ( 7:30 pm).. again. Thanks Kevin!

Thursday morning..... a new day... not my day or a day to reflect on the chaos... just a day to take for the lord. I had been explaining to Kahlai that Christmas was Jesus's birthday and he thought it was very nice of him to let us have gifts... he's still not quite sure about the santa thing.... I just told him that God elected a party planner for the day... Santa's his name and gifts are his game! lol... he's not sold on Santa... and I'm not pushing it!

Christmas was wonderful! I am so grateful to all of my "Santas" this year.... Kahlai was spoiled rotten! Well, I guess I can't say rotten..... he is so extremely grateful to have had so much. I don't think I've ever had a Christmas like this... and neither has Kahlai! ALl the gifts combined were more than he could ever have asked for.... so many wonderful things and he just loves them all! I too got some wonderful things and was very shocked to open a few.... what angels! Some people just have no idea how much they do in some one's life... just by being a friend.... a helping hand.... a voice of reason.... or a secret santa...

Thank You.... to all of you.. you are wonderful!

So Kahlai left at 1:30 to go with his dad for the court ordered 6 hours.... he wouldn't tell me what time he wanted until 12:30am! His family was eating at 4pm... so he wanted the evening hours... well.. I wanted him to be able to open up his gifts and have a little time to play with them before he had to leave so I agreed.... 1:30 IT IS... and he didn't bring him back until 8:30!

Just found out tonight that he didn't even take him over to see his family!!!!! So when I asked Kahlai what he did instead, he told me that he spent Christmas with Daddy, brother and Joan.... oh yes.. Joan.... Joan is his dad's new girlfriend... (that he denies)....that showed up in court to tell everyone about what a "great father" Kevin is.... what the HECK does she know?

For the past week Kahlai keeps telling me about his "sister"... uh.. excuse me.......who? I think it's all starting to come together now...

Perhaps his dad is "gifting" Kahlai and Kerron a new "mother" and a "sister"... hmmm.. HOw NiCe! I feel the urge to warn this woman! I wouldn't wish this man on my worst enemy... but (deep breath) I will continue to pray for his heart.

I am still tired from eating so much.. the left overs are awesome! I am emotionally eating right now and am not too proud to admit it. I've torn down the equivalent of a half of a pecan pie... some pineapple upside down cake, plate of cookies the neighbors brought over.... some banana cream pie, and lots of homemade FUDGE!

Lord help me please.... no really... please suppress my sweet-tooth.... and my cravings for my mom's left over mashed potatoes at 1 am!

okay okay.. enough talking about sweets... I'm going to bed.... or am I? Hmmm... I hear that Pecan pie calling my name... but I'm gonna be a good girl... Kahlai's got his Saturday visit with his dad tomorrow.... augh I wish I wasn't sick to my stomach about this.

P.s. Sorry for such a depressing post... and thank you if you read through the whole thing. :)