Come on! Is that all you got? My God is BIGGER than THAT!

So I realize today that even though things have been tough, I just need to put my glad pants on and be happy that things aren't worse!

So I can see things a bit more clearly now. This may seem a bit strange to some of you... but to most I'm sure that it will make some sense...

Okay so God has worked in such a miraculous way in my life over the past two and a half years. There have been struggles, but I have really overcame them with such a peace about most of it that it has only been in the past 6 months that there has been room for the devil to try and slip his works into what I have been faced with.

First the court battle between Kevin and I (which really means nothing now). Then the emotional battle I fought regarding my heart about the situation (which was good because it helped me to be in this place in my heart with Kevin today). Then my car (which by the way is fixed and thank to Helping hands for Single Moms) Then School, and now Kahlai's condition. I would call it unfortunate, and it is, but honestly, I have been shown God's love for me and my son through this experience more so than EVER.

I have to look at the positive side to this. I have always thought that there was a calling for me as a woman and as a mother. I have never been a person with a well of patience and I have prayed for patience for the past five years. Guess God answers because I have no choice but to be patient now. It is alwasy interresting to look back and see what God had planned for you when you thought you had it all planned out.
What Kahlai has is a rare and pretty severe form of epilepsy, but it is not a death sentence. Just because the doctors say that he will be this way, or the internet testifies to a grim future for him, does not mean that he will be any of those things. HE IS GOD'S CHILD. NOT MINE. I am only here to lead him back to God and what kind of service am I doing for my child if I do not put this in God's hands and just show the world what God can do? No matter what side effects the the medication, Kevin and I will love him. No matter what obstacles in health we are faced with, we will just have to embrace it and pray over them. Kevin and i have agreed to take some counseling together for parents with kids with epilepsy. I am very happy about this as this will be an awesome way for us to face emotions in a healthy way and be able to sort through our plan as an awesome team of parents for our son. I pray that this is exactly how it will be... for what's best for Kahlai and our own sanity.
When Kahlai is older and he is healed... he will hopefully... no he WILL look back on this and he will see the love, support and prayer he was surrounded with. All of your prayers make a difference for him... not just saying it.. but REALLY taking the time to speak this healing over Kahlai.
I would love to host a something like a prayer dinner for Kahlai. I would love to be able to get you prayer partners all together and pray over him. Perhaps i should call my church in the morning and find out if we can do it there. Hmm..

So anyways, last night I went to resolve the issue with my classes online and the financial aid dispute. THEY WITHDREW ME FROM ALL OF MY CLASSES. So I had to go down there and fix it. So i did. It was so nice to get so much support from one of my favorite instructors st SCC today! Just so happens she was doing her day in the advising center today and guess who got to receive her assistance? That's right.. ME!
She was able to help me with my petition for graduation and help me resolve my issue in getting back into classes. So i walked away from school today feeling like I had overcome that obstacle and could focus on the rest...
Then i get home and see an email that the class that i enrolled in today IS CANCELLED!!! OH MY WORD! So before I got upset... I just thought to myself.. Devil Is that ALL YOU GOT? That is so fixable and I am not going to let this get me down. Tomorrow i will find another class.
My son is going to be healed.
I am going to graduate in may with TWO DEGREES with honors and my son will be there to watch mommy!
I am going to ASU.
I am going to give all of this to God and try very hard each day to wake up with a smile on my face knowing that life is about the journey, not the destination. So if I am going to be throwing myself and Kahlai and pity party the whole way... then we are wasting precious time. This life was meant for so much more than misery.

Sure there are going to be struggles... but there are so many more resources and joys to be discovered. I have been researching support groups for Kahlai's condition. Other parents who can talk about this and help each other to lift spirits and discover new joys every day. I'm not perfect, nor will i ever claim to be. But with this many people supporting my son through this.. i can't imagine that there is room for sadness... just need to reserve more time to discover solutions.

After all, Kahlai doesn't wake up sad. He doesn't have 40 seizures and mope around about it... he is still such a joy and just keeps on one step at a time... and today he did it with a few temper tantrums and a thousand smiles with hours of laughter to linger through my heart. I have missed him and for the first time today, I felt like he is my Kahlai again. As crazy as it sounds... I was kind of happy to battle the temper tantrums today! I welcomed the "that's Mine!"s and the "NO!"s and the moments when he wanted to wrestle mommy until I "tapped out". He thinks things are funny again and even is making up new things to be silly about. It's a bit different being that he will be very involved in something and then seize.. then we take a minute to get back into the swing of things and we move on. I tickled him today until he said stop... and today instead of burning the bacon, I gave myself a nasty burn on my palm! ( it's my right hand so it's fun to drive my manual car now). lol. But with everything I was faced with this morning, I didn't melt down. I felt stupid for grabbing that pan today... but I laughed about it within 30 minutes (after my mom got me all bandaged up :)
So that's what I am here for... a mommy.. to make it all feel better.. and since i can't bandage him up.. i can surround him with God's love.
I am so grateful for all of you who are praying for Kahlai. I just know that together we will all have an awesome testimony about the power of prayer.