I am really missing Home

Tonight we are monitoring Kahlai... he looks like a teletubbie with this little get up on... I'll try to post a pic of it tomorrow... it's pretty silly looking.

So I am missing home. I miss all of the comforts of home. These days couped up in a room is wearing on both Kevin and I. What once was a fear and extreme concern for our child has turned into a bit of bickering and "old stuff". I am glad that we are not fighting the way we were when we were actively in court.. we still have another hearing coming up but it has been nice not to even talk about a lot of that stuff. Sure it comes up every now and then... and is very akward when I have to explain to the hospital staff that we are not married and ask questions pertaining to Kahlai being split between two homes. I have to say that the thought of being away from him when it is Kevin's time breaks my heart. To think about how much he needs both of us around for comfort right now and how bad he freaks out sometimes when I am not around... just makes me sad to imagine. I know that Kevin is probably thinking the same thing and doesn't want to be away from him, however I have my own thoughts regarding that.

As thoughts drift in between moments of chaos around here i find my self being brought back into reality with gentle yet firm acts of truth. I am thankful for them as times like these can be hard to emotionally reason through.

Of course, since he is hooked up to a machine now... he is not showing the docs all the different kinds of seizures he has been having. It's okay because there have already been at least 10-12 different docs who have witnessed all of these episodes first hand so we do not have to speak the medical language to discribe them... they are already noted and the time... however, we are trying to find out if they are actual seizures as many claim them to be, or if in fact they could be just side effects to the medication that he has been on.

So we missed the cafeteria when they were open.. they close at 7pm and open back up at 10... a perfect time to eat your dinner! HA! I will have to buy new clothes when I et out of here... stretch pants and breakfast shakes HERE I COME!

No.. i'm not kidding... the optemologist actually asked me when i was goin gto deliver...!!!! I told him I wasn't pregnant and then wanted to fall apart... so let's just say that was a little rough on my confidence... i don't even know why I'm telling you all this, but it is been in my bag of bad feelings so hopefully I can go emotioanlly eat tonight one more time and then feel better about it.. lol.

ok.. perhaps i can write more later.. or just try to get some sleep.